My girlfriend let me remove all her clothes last night. From the dryer.

GF to BF: I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Honey, do you think I gained weight? No, I think the living room got smaller.

My wife told me to get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.

Husband: I need space … Wife: Join NASA …

Once you’re married, people stop asking about your sex life. They know you don’t have one.

I play the world’s most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.