77 Non Veg Jokes In English That Will Make You Go ROFL

You know what’s the best thing about non veg jokes in English? They are super hilarious and creative! Put your hand up if you feel the same.

Related – Double Meaning Jokes In English

This is why, Statusbyzz brings to you these hilarious non veg jokes in English that will make you go ROFL. Nonveg jokes or puns hit differently and entertain you better than regular ones. Believe me, there are no jokes that are funnier than non veg jokes.

If you find it difficult to entertain others, these non veg jokes in English come in handy. Whether you wanna break the ice or start talking to someone with whom you left talking some time ago, or if you wanna be the talking point in a group, these are your best bets.

You can crack them anywhere and be the talking point for the next few minutes. Some of your friends will laugh, some will blush, some will facepalm and some will even go ROFL.

Finding a good joke takes a lot of research, and after the hard work of finding out the best non veg jokes in English, we have created this list of the most badass ones.

If you still want more, then here is something that can be helpful –

So, let’s start the laughter ride with us and if you feel good after reading till the end, do share this blog with your friends and colleagues so that they can enjoy quality humor content too.

Related – New Dirty Jokes You Can’t Resist

Best Non Veg Jokes In English Compilation

Here is a fantastic collection of non veg jokes in English that you just can’t miss! I dare you to stop laughing at them and yes, if I win, don’t forget to share with your best buddies.

I requested phone number of a Chinese girl. She stated: “S*x, S*x, S*x. Free s*x tonight!”
Wow, I exclaimed!
Her friend then clarified, “She meant 666-3629.”

What do you call a scientific study about p*nis size?
Hard evidence.

What’s the difference between a wife and a job?
After 10 years, a job still sucks.

What did the p*nis say to the c*ndom? Cover me, I’m going in.

What do you call a man that cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker

What’s a l*sbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle.

What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?
The wedding ring.

Also, Read – 69 Adult Husband-Wife Jokes In English

What do you call a guy with a giant d*ck?


Three words to ruin a man’s ego…?
“Is it in?”

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I just had s*x in an elevator. It was great on so many levels.

What do you get when you cross a p*nis with a potato?
A d*ck-tater.

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

What does a perverted frog say? “Rub-bit.”

Question: What comes after 69?
Answer: Mouthwash

What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body?
Her nostrils.


S*x is not the answer. S*x is the question.
“Yes” is the answer.

Related – Deez Nuts Jokes You Can’t Resist

A husband and wife are attempting to change their computer’s password. The wife laughs uncontrollably when the husband types, “Myp*nis,” and the screen displays “Error.” Not long enough.

What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!

Why do women have org*sms?
It’s just another reason to moan.

Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where do you stick the cucumber?

What two words will clear out a men’s restroom?
“Nice d*ck!”


S*x without condoms is magical… A baby appears and father disappears.

What toys and b**bs got in common? Both of them were designed initially for children, although dads frequently play with them.

When should cond*ms be used? Every conceivable occasion.

Masturb*tion always leads to s*x. It’s a gateway tug.

What’s the difference between an*l and oral s*x?
Oral s*x makes your day. An*l makes your hole weak.

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about cond*ms. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”

If a threes*me is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you ‘handsome’

What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.


What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
Gum! What did you think?

It’s relatively safe to assume that your parents had a successful start to the new year if you were born in September.

How do le*bians have s*x? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.

What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a c*ndom? C*ndoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Also, Read – Funniest Guess What Jokes

Why are P*nises the lightest things in the world?
Even thoughts can raise them.

Which s*xual position produces the ugliest kids?
Ask your mom!


Amazing 2-Line Non Veg Jokes In English

Get ready to laugh even louder with these hilarious 2-line non veg jokes in English. Hope your stomach is ready to grasp what’s about to come!

What do a p*nis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What starts with d and ends with ick? Drumstick.

What’s white and 14 inches long? Nothing.

Life is like a p*nis… Often hard for no reason!

What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?
A white Christmas.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.


With a great p*nis, comes great responsibility.

Owls always look like they just saw a p*nis for the first time.

Wife: Why Aren’t You Taking Me With You To Bangkok?
Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

What did one saggy bo*b say to the other?
If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.

What did the guy say when he got caught ma*turbating to an optical illusion? “It’s not what it looks like.”

You never know where to look when eating a banana.


Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

Men and women can be friends without any s*x involved. It’s called marriage.

What’s the difference between “Ooh” and “Aah”?
Umm, About four inches.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.


Having s*x is like playing bridge. 
If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

Related – Dirty Winter Jokes 

Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters.

Mom: If a boy touches your b**bs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”.

Wife: “What Will Be Your The First Thought If I Sleep With Your Most Loving & Close Friend?”
“You Are A Lesbian”, Said Husband

When ladies wake up in the morning, why do they rub their eyes?
They don’t have balls to scratch.


Question To A Husband: “Do You Talk To Your Wife After S*x?”
Answer: Depends, If I Can Find A Phone.

I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.

They say make-up s*x is the best.
That’s great because all my s*x is made up.

The Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.

Non Veg Jokes For Couples

Let’s take you to some non veg jokes for couples that are super hilarious!

S*x is not the answer. S*x is the question.
“Yes” is the answer.

Why are women more talkative than men?
Because they have four lips.

Is your name highway? Because I want to ride you all night long!

I lost my keys… can I check your pants?

What’s 72?
69 with three people watching.

Having s*x in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a p*nis?
A man

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.

I tried phone s*x once, but the holes were too small.

What are the two most important holes in a woman?
Her nostrils.

Women fake o*gasms. Men fake whole relationships.

Also, Read – Funniest Yo Mama Jokes


This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the link, we may earn a little commission. Thanks!

In The End,

So that’s all from our side and we hope your reading this blog made you feel better and made you go rofl. These were the best non veg jokes in English that we found worthy of sharing with our folks. This was an effort on our part, hope you enjoyed this collection of jokes that we have created for you.

If you have any other joke that you think can crack us, feel free to comment down below. We are willing to hear you! Don’t forget to share the blog with your friends & colleagues.

Till next time!

Also, Read – Hilarious Things You Can Say At a Hospital And In Bed

Leave a Comment