Are you looking for a good but naughty dose of humor? Then let us assure you that today is your lucky day as we have these all-new dirty jokes.
Do you know what makes these jokes super entertaining? The level of creativity that these jokes have is hilarious. These jokes can potentially turn any serious or dull situation into a funny one.
The aim behind compiling this ultimate list of new dirty jokes is to take you on a laughter ride. However, while you try to showcase these jokes, just keep one thing in mind, this kind of humor belongs to the “adult” category.
This simply means you can’t crack them anywhere you want. So simply choose the appropriate time and situation, and then use them coz they work every time!
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Make sure you share these jokes with your buddies so they can enjoy the ultimate list of jokes too. Make their day with just one share because they will get a bunch of new jokes – one liner dirty jokes, dirty pick-up lines, dirty jokes for him & her, dirty jokes for texting and much more!
So whether you are stressed out or looking for a good source of humor then these new dirty jokes will definitely chuckle you for the rest of the day.
New Dirty Jokes
Here begins our ultimate collection of dirty jokes that will make you cry with laughter!
#1. What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah”?
About four inches.
#2. What do you call a scientific study about p*nis size?
Hard evidence.
#3. My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after s*x… I said I haven’t looked.
#4. What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where do you stick the cucumber?
#5. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The Head nurse
#6. What’s the difference between a wife and a job?
After 10 years, a job still sucks.
#7. What’s a woman’s favorite thing to put in her mouth? Top Ramen.
#8. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Answer: Boo-bees
#9. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together we can stop this sh*t.
#10. What do you call a guy with a giant d*ck?
Phil!
#11. What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
#12. Why are pubic hairs so curly? So they don’t poke out your eyes.
#13. Why men’s voice is louder than women’s?
Men have an antenna.
#14. What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body?
Her nostrils.
#15. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
Chewing-Gum!
#16. Prostitution is the only industry that treats freshers like angels..!!
#17. What did the p*nis say to the v*gina?
Don’t make me come in there!
#18. What do bo*bs and toys have in common?
Both were made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
#19. What two words will clear out a men’s restroom?
“Nice d*ck!”
#20. What is seven inches long, two inches wide, and makes everyone go crazy?
A $200 bill.
#21. Did you fart? No, that was my butt blowing you a kiss.
#22. S*x is like a pizza. when it’s good, it’s very good. when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good
#23. Why don’t witches wear underwear? Because they need a better grip.
#24. How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed?
By sleeping on the sofa.
#25. How are a woman and a road alike? They both got manholes
#26. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For finger*ng a minor.
#27. When a d*ck and potato are crossed, what do you get? A dictator
#28. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
#29. Want to hear a joke about my p*nis?
Nevermind. It’s too long.
#30. What’s the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid.
#31. A bio teacher was telling her students: “For the best penetrations 6 – 7 inch p*nis is best.”
#32. Why do women put red lipstick on their mouths? To inform men to stop this is not the right hole.
#33. Why is 88 superior to 69? Because you get ate twice.
#34. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs? One Post, two Globes, and many Times!
New One-Liner Dirty Jokes
It’s time for some of the extremely funny one liner dirty puns that you can’t resist!
#1. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.
#2. What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.
#3. Last week a girl asked me for s*x. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
#4. The Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.
#5. I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.
#6. Do you need a carpenter? Because I could nail you then hammer you.
#7. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
#8. What do you do when a woman’s choking? Back up a few inches.
#9. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
#10. Please tell your tits to stop looking at my eyes.
#11. With a great p*nis, comes great responsibility.
#12. Life is like a penis… Often hard for no reason!
#13. I think s*x is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
#14. What’s the best waterslide for kids? Your throat.
#15. What’s a lesbian’s love language? Speaking in the tongue.
#16. Men and women can be friends without any s*x involved. It’s called marriage.
#17. Sx without c*ndoms is magical… A baby appears and the father disappears.
#18. Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.
#19. Your but* is nice but it would be nicer if it was on my lap.
#20. What’s white and 14 inches long? Nothing.
#21. What starts with d and ends with ick? Drumstick.
#22. What’s a lesbian’s love language? Speaking in the tongue.
#23. What does a robot do after a one-night stand? Nuts and bolts.
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Best Dirty Jokes
Here are some of the best dirty jokes that you should not miss!
#1. What do you call a person who doesn’t m*sturbate? A liar.
#2. 3 words ruin a man’s ego.
“Is it in?”
#3. Which s*xual position produces the ugliest kids?
Ask your mom!
#4. Why are P*nises the lightest things in the world?
Even thoughts can raise them.
#5. If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, now I understand why people call me ‘handsome’
#6. What gets longer when pulled, inserts in a hole, and works best when jerked? A seatbelt.
#7. What did the p*nis say to the v*gina?
“Don’t make me cUm in there!”
#8. What did the p*nis say to the c*ndom?
“Cover me, I’m going in.”
#9. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
#10. What three-letter word starts with an “s,” ends with “x,” and has a vowel in the middle?
Six.
New Dirty Knock Knock Jokes
Let’s now take you to some of the dirty knock-knock jokes to brighten your day!
#1. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A yam.
A yam who?
A yam so wet for you right now.
#2. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
You’re justin time to wipe my bottom.
#3. Knock knock,
Who’s there?
Can I come in?
Can I come in who,
OK but just this once
#4. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
Ice cream for you all night long.
#5. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita Colo.
Anita Colo who?
Anita colonoscopy.
#6. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
School.
School who?
School your as*.
#7. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Some!
Some who?
Some as*hole talking to a knock-knock joke.
#8. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Urine.
Urine who?
Urine secure, don’t know what for.
#9. Knock knock,
Who’s there?
Dover,
Dover who?
Ben Dover and I’ll show you
#10. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bull.
Bull who?
Bullshitter!
#11. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mike.
Mike who?
Mike Weiner
#12. Knock knock,
Who’s there?
Olive Juice,
Olive Juice who?
Oh, I love you too!
#13. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben down and lick my bo*ts!
#14. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Help madam finger is stuck in the door.
#15. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis member suffice?
#16. Knock knock,
who’s there?
Tex,
Tex who?
It Tex two to tango
#17. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!
#18. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juicy.
Juicy who?
Juicy that lady’s rack?
#19. Knock knock,
who’s there?
Willie,
Willie who?
Willie Stroker or should I?
#20. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not your wife.
#21. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Buster.
Buster who?
Buster Cherry!
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New Dirty Jokes for Her
Here are some dirty jokes that you can with your special one!
#1. How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
#2. What do you call a guy with a small d*ck? Just-in!
#3. A bl*wjob a week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease!
#4. Is your name Highway? Because I want to ride you all night long!
#5. How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
#6. Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters.
#7. What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?
Tie.
#8. Why are women more talkative than men?
Because they have four lips.
#9. Without women, s*x would be a pain in the ass.
#10. I lost my keys… can I check your pants?
#11. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
#12. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
#13. What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.
#14. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
#15. What did the banana say to the vibrat*r? Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
New Dirty Jokes for Him
So it’s time for some dirty jokes for you man. Have a look then!
#1. I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous s*x drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
#2. Let’s play Titanic, you’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.
#3. A bartender broke up with her boyfriend.
He keeps asking for another shot.
#4. Is there a mirror in your pants?
“Because I see myself in them.”
#5. You are just like my car.
You drive me crazy.
#6. What are 6 inches and leaves white stuff all over your face?
A toothbrush.
#7. I’m always on top of important things, would you like to be on the list?
#8. It was so hot today…
I almost called my ex-boyfriend to be around something shady.
#9. Your body is 70 percent water… and I’m thirsty.
#10. Why did God give men p*nises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
#11. On a nudist beach, how do you detect the blind guy?
It’s not hard.
#12. What’s the most sensitive part of a man’s body during m*sturbation?
His ears.
#13. Who is the best goalkeeper in the world?
All women since they never allow balls to enter.
#14. What do a p*nis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
#15. Having s*x is like playing bridge.
If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
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New Dirty Jokes For Texting
Take you to the new dirty jokes for texting that you can share with your special one!
#1. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
#2. Let us skip dinner tonight and eat something else.
#3. They say makeup s*x is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my s*x is made up.
#4. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker.
#5. Would you send me some pictures? Pictures you have not sent to anybody else.
#6. What one food reduces a woman’s sex drive by 90%?
Wedding cake.
#7. What do t*fu and a d*ldo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
#8. M*sturbation always leads to s*x.
It’s a gateway tug.
#9. Want to know why women don’t blink before foreplay? Not enough time.
#10. I got mad at him for pulling out. I told him it was a d*ck move.
#11. Did you hear about the man who ejaculated without a p*nis? He came out of nowhere.
#12. What did the clitor*s say to the v*lva? It’s all good in the hood!
#13. When should c*ndoms be used? Every conceivable occasion.
New Dirty Pick-Up Lines For Texting
Finally, now let’s have a look at the dirty pick up lines for texting!
#1. Is there space in your mouth for another tongue?
#2. That dress looks great on you, but I bet it would look even better on my bedroom floor.
#3. I love your shirt, can I try it on in the morning?
#4. You look like you’re feeling a little down. Would you like me to feel you up?
#5. Your body has 206 bones, you think you could handle another one?
#6. Just checked my battery life, and it’s at 69%.
#7. I will give you a kiss. If you don’t like it, you could return it.
#8. Make out with me if I am wrong, but isn’t the Earth flat?
#9. I know three ways to make six inches disappear.
#10. I hope you never change, but leave your clothes off if you do.
#11. Legs like that should be wrapped around my neck.
#12. I heard you like basketball. I got two balls your chin could dribble.
#13. My doctor said I lack vitamin D, can you help give me it?
#14. Feel my pants – they’re made of girlfriend material.
#15. I was having such an off day, but now you turned me on.
#16. If being s*xy is a crime, then you are under arrest.
#17. Are you a plumber? I have a pipe that needs to be blocked.
#18. You’re so hot that I just want my volcano to erupt inside you.
#19. Let’s play Titanic. You be the iceberg, and I’ll be the ship. First, we’ll smash, and then I’ll
go down.
#20. Girl, you make me want to dive into that sea… that pus-sea.
To Conclude,
That’s it folks! This was our ultimate collection of new dirty jokes for you. There is no denying the fact that these jokes are extremely funny as they involve amazing creativity.
We hope you liked our effort to make you laugh. If you crack these jokes among your friends then you can be the center of attraction among them. Trust me, there are no jokes funnier than these dirty jokes.
It’s time to conclude the blog for today. We hope you enjoy reading this blog till the end. Don’t forget to share the blog with your friends.
See ya!
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