A little humor goes a long way in strengthening a husband wife relationship over time. Hello folks, our today’s blog about adult husband wife jokes in English can be a fun and playful way for couples to add some humor and levity to their relationship.
Do you know what’s best about these dirty adult jokes? The level of creativity, that these jokes make us laugh out loud. Whether you’re spouse stressed out because of work or any other reason, these jokes will surely be a stress-buster. Believe me, these jokes are enough to initiate laughter and conversations with your partner.
Adult husband and wife jokes are specifically designed for couples and are unlike other Double Meaning Jokes and Non-Veg Jokes which you have previously seen on our website.
Our today’s goal is to make your spouse giggle with these jokes because husband and wife have a very special tie of love and safety. These jokes are simply intended for fun and should not hurt your spouse’s feelings or emotions.
So are you ready for a burst of laughter with these adult husband wife jokes in English? Here we go!
Super Hilarious Adult Husband Wife Jokes In English
#1. What do a p*nis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
#2. What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
#3. S*x is not the answer. S*x is the question.
“Yes” is the answer.
#4. Save a life:
A bl*wjob a week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease!
#5. S*x without c*ndoms is magical… A baby appears and the father disappears.
#6. Why are women more talkative than men?
Because they have four lips.
#7. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
Chewing-Gum!
#8. What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine!
#9. Why did God give men p*nises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
#10. What did the p*nis say to the v*gina?
Don’t make me come in there!
#11. What do you call a scientific study about p*nis size?
Hard evidence
#12. What Is The Alternative Word For “Virgin”?
“Center Fresh“
#13. What did the ghost say to the beehive?
Bo*bees.
#14. What do you call a guy with a small p*nis? Justin!
#15. Having s*x is like playing bridge.
If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
#16. Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters.
#17. Men and women can be friends without any s*x involved. It’s called marriage.
#18. Modern man’s thinking:
My heart will always belong to just one woman but, I have my s*erm for the rest
#19. S*x is like a pizza. when it’s good, it’s very good. when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good
#20. Three words to ruin a man’s ego…?
“Is it in?”
#21. Why are P*nises the lightest things in the world?
Even thoughts can raise them.
#22. What’s the difference between “Ooh” and “Aah”?
Umm, About four inches.
#23. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
#24. The Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.
#25. Question To A Husband: “Do You Talk To Your Wife After S*x?”
Answer: Depends, If I Can Find A Phone.
#26. What do b**bs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
#27. Is your name highway? Because I want to ride you all night long!
#28. What’s the difference between an*l and oral?
Oral makes your day an*l makes your hole week.
#29. I lost my keys… can I check your pants?
#30. Why do vegans give better head?
They’re used to eating nuts.
#31. I think s*x is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
#31. What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
#32. What’s 72?
69 with three people watching.
#33. What do you call an expert fisherman?
A Master Baiter.
#34. What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?
“Tie.”
#35. Having s*x in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
#36. How did you quit smoking?
“I decided to smoke only after s*x.”
#37. What starts with “D” and ends with “ick”? Drumstick.
#38. What’s white and 14 inches long? Nothing.
#39. If a little person says your hair smells nice. Is that s*xual harassment?
#39. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
#40. Which s*xual position produces the ugliest kids?
Ask your mom!
Some More Dirty Husband Wife Jokes
Wait the list is not yet over! Here are some more non veg jokes for husband and wife.
#41. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
#42. What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body?
Her nostrils.
#43. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a p*nis?
A man
#44. What’s the problem with oral s*x?
The view.
#45. How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
#46. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A man will actually search for a golf ball.
#47. Why did the d*ck go crazy?
Someone was messing with his head.
#48. Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
#49. S*x on TV can’t hurt… unless you fall off.
#50. With a great p*nis, comes great responsibility.
#50. Please tell your t*ts to stop looking at my eyes.
#51. I tried phone s*x once, but the holes were too small.
#52. I just had s*x in an elevator.
It was great on so many levels.
#53. What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
#54. How is s*x like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
#55. A guy goes to the store to buy c*ndoms. The cashier asks, “Do you want a bag?”
The guy says, “No. She’s not that ugly.”
#56. Why are pubic hairs so curly?
So they don’t poke out your eyes.
#57. What’s the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.
#58. I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous s*x drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away
#59. My wife is definitely a s*x object. Every time I ask for s*x, she objects.
#60. Women fake o*gasms. Men fake whole relationships.
#61. What do you say to your bae during s*x?
Nothing. I don’t call my bae when I’m having s*x.
#62. How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
#63. How do you make your girlfriend scream during s*x?
Call and tell her about it.
#64. What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
#65. What do you call a guy who cries when pleasuring himself?
A tearjerker
#66. What’s the difference between a wife and a job?
After 10 years, a job still sucks.
#67. What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A wife accepts credit cards.
#68. How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed?
By sleeping on the sofa.
#69. How is s*x like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Conclusion
There you have it. We sincerely hope that you liked our blog on adult husband wife jokes in English.
It is also important to remember that humor is subjective and what one person finds funny, another person may find offensive. It’s important to communicate with your partner and respect each other’s boundaries when it comes to this type of humor.
Thanks for reading!